When Magic Happened In My Dull Gray Cubicle

Dear Imaginative Woman,

If you’re new here, welcome! For the next few weeks I’ll be telling you the story about how I decided to break free from my Dull Gray Cubicle job.

You can read all the posts in the series here:

• Part 1 - Why I Took A Dull Gray Cubicle Job
• Part 2 - How The Perfect Job Became A Trap
• Part 3 - When Magic Happened In My Dull Gray Cubicle
• Part 4 - Two Books That Changed Everything For Me
• Part 5 - How I Created Change By Sitting Still
• Part 6 - How I Decided To Break Free From My Dull Gray Cubicle Job

Ok, on with the next installment...

Last week I told you how my cubicle job, which was 100% perfect for me when I took it, became a trap for my body, mind, and soul.

This week, I want to tell you a story about a little magic that happened when I was feeling disconnected and desperate in my DGC (Dull Gray Cubicle) job.

When I was working in my cubicle, I had a bff colleague. Her name is Gina, and she is an awesome magical kindred spirit!

Gina and I were buddies. We spoke the same emotional language, and I could tell her all the weird and wonderful things I’d been thinking with no shame!

One thing I often talked to Gina about was how to choose the exact right desktop wallpaper to make myself not feel like a dry, withered husk.

It was an obsession for me in those days, because I spent hours staring at a computer, surrounded by gray walls.

I figured, if I could just get the right desktop wallpaper, then I might feel better. Maybe I would look at the wallpaper in between opening and closing spreadsheets and it would somehow fill my soul with beauty and light forever and ever!!!

That's a reasonable expectation, right?!

On this particular day, I was picking out a new wallpaper, and all of a sudden I couldn't take it anymore.

I was sick of trying to make myself feel better. What was the point? It never worked. I always found myself back in the same miserable chair, in the same miserable cube.

I was so fed up, in fact, I immediately put up a picture of the moon as my desktop wallpaper. It was a close-up of the gray, pockmarked ground, and it felt like the perfect representation of how I felt right then.

I turned to Gina. “This is it," I said, "This is what I’ve become. I’m a dry, arid land where nothing will ever grow!!”

I'm pretty sure this made Gina laugh, but I don't remember her exact reaction, because something magical happened after I said this.

My first position in my DGC job, before I became a systems analyst and project manager, was to process donation checks mailed to our foundation.

After I told Gina about feeling like the arid moon, I returned to my task at hand, which was opening a pile of letters with donation checks inside.

I picked up an envelope. There was a quote on the back, and the quote struck me to my core.

It said: 

“You will be like a well-watered garden, and like a spring whose waters do not fail."

Whaaaaaaat?

At the exact moment I claimed myself to be an arid, dry land, this envelope told me I would be a like a spring whose waters never fail.

I stared at the envelope.

I cut out the quote and stuck it up on my cubicle wall.

I would come into work and read it everyday, and I would remember there was a little bit of hope for me.

This experience helped turn things for me just a tiny bit, because even though I was still trapped and withered, I started to believe maybe someday in the future I wouldn't be.

It took a while, but things did eventually change for the better. 

Read Part 4 - Two Books That Changed Everything For Me

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